Keto Pound Cake

I was baking, yeah thats right, I'm a lady, blah blah, got it. I just like to bake, lay off.

Anyway, while I was using my tasty skills, I decided I wanted to share these cause they weren't pretty looking, they were pretty fucking awesome.  Done.

It's not crumbly if you let it cool, but it's spongy inside. Yum!

makes 4 in personal cake tins

3/4c butter softened

4 oz cream cheese softened

12-16 pkts of stevia or aspartame

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp almond

3 eggs

1 c coconut flour 

1. preheat oven to 325

2. grease your tins

3. mix your butter, cream cheese, sugar sub., vanilla, and almond extract with a hand mixer until 

    creamed together

4. Add one egg at a time alternating egg and flour until both are in the batter. Add flour slowly as it can  

    make the batter thick, use less flour if necessary, if you've already put it all in and it's too thick, add

    almond milk until cream cheese consistency- this will never be a liquid batter. 

5. Place in tins to top, this will not be a rising batter. 

6. Bake for 45 mins, but check after 30, your top will be golden, a toothpick will come out clean, and 

    on touch, the cake will spring back.

7. Let cool and enjoy, come up with a topping for it, or just add raspberries and whipped cream!

Week 6 Meal Plan:

Sorry for the lateness, but as you can tell I was busy posting recipes of my own!
I do cook a lot of things I come up with but just havet had a chance to post them online, so here they are! I would love to hear from you all about suggestions for next week, and would love to do a reader suggested meal plan combining some of the best keto foods you've ever had.
Anyway for this week:

Mon: Easy Pizza
Tues: Mushroom chicken and Sausage Casserole
Wed: Beef Stroganoff with 'rice' cauliflower (steam cauliflower 'riced' with a fork)
Thurs: Stuffed Peppers
Fri: Keto Coconut Shrimp with broccoli
Sat: am: Big Ass Omelette 
pm: Burger and Avocado Fries  and Keto Spritz cookies (replace sugar and flour with splenda and coconut flour)
Sun: am: Eggs Benedict!
pm: Smoked Salmon Quiche with Dill


Grocery List


Produce
cauliflower
1 lb mushrooms
garlic cloves
2 medium onions
green onion or chives
celery
2 green peppers (1 for each person)
2 avocados


Baking/ Spices
beef bouillon cube
marjoram
parsley
vanilla
coconut flour (found at health stores or amazon)
dill
paprika
unsweetened coconut flakes
canola oil
Flat Out Light Spinach Wraps
tomato sauce
garlic salt
pepper
almond meal
cumin
cayenne pepper
crushed pork rinds (or crush em yourself)
lemon juice (so 1 lemon)



Meats
1lb braising steak (chuck or round steak is a good replacement)
8oz package of smoked salmon
1.5lbs chicken breasts
pork sausage
22ct medium uncooked shrimp
pepperoni
bacon
pastrami
1lb ground beef


Frozen
16oz bag cauliflower
2 16 oz broccoli
spinach



Dairy
butter
sour cream
3 pkgs cream cheese (use 8oz for cookies)
2 pkgs eggs
heavy cream
8 oz monterey jack cheese
2-8 oz cheddar cheese
mozzarella
cheese for omelette

Great Find!

This. At Target. That is all.

Keto Pizza

We all know the holy grail pizza, but sometimes, I'm just too damn tired
to make it after work. Yeah, I may sit in a chair, but mental tiredness is worse
than physical tiredness.
Anyway, this is a good quick and tasty way to make pizza in like 10 mins.

I'm trying to hide the rest of my kitchen this way....

We use the Flat Out Light Spinach Wraps, which can be found at any grocery store and are oblong and green.... Then I use a medium spoonful of sauce and spread it round, then add LOTS of cheese, and pepperoni (I get deli pepperoni cause it's great with cheese for lunch).
That's it, oh, you bake it till the cheese is melted, cry me a river.

Cheez its.

I love anything salty- I eat cheese at least twice a day, and LOVE pickles, ALL things pickles or pickled.  Cheez-its were my favorite snack, and I bet if left to my own devices, I would've eaten a box in a sitting. Well, when I found the baller recipe for keto cheez-its I was excited, 'cept the microwave thing didn't work out so well for me. So I baked em, and it came out amazing.

I use a ton of cheese I shredded, place parchment paper on a cookie sheet and cover it, bake it until it bubbles, pat down some of the grease, salt em, and use a pizza wheel to cut it into squares.
Yeah, it's awesome.

The lighting is never right on my phone (I know) so I used a filter to get close.

Big Ass Omelette

Not much explanation here, just enjoy it.

The ever popular ingredients picture

In progress.

Eggs (2 per person min.)
Broccoli
spinach
cheese(s) - I was at my parent's otherwise wouldn't have used shredded.
Bacon
Pastrami
Sour Cream(beaten into the eggs, and added on top)
garlic salt
pepper
salt

1. Make it.
2. Cook it.
3. Eat it.

Keto Stuffed Peppers

After finding and identifying my love for meats and cream cheese, I figured out this recipe. It's pretty baller, and easily impresses your less awesome-inclined friends.
The only thing I have to note is the carbs in red pepper, I discovered it's a little high while eating this, so the solution is to use green pepper instead.

Spread cream cheese in the bottom of both the peppers and my jalapenos- for jalapeno poppers.

The meat mixture- round beef, garlic salt, cayenne, cream cheese, red pepper.

Unlike most lazy asses, I shred my own cheese to make sure no flour is anywhere near that!

I filled the peppers with the meat mixture, and the tinfoil is to help prop up a leaning pepper.

I covered the filled peppers, so the meat and insides would steam, and the edges wouldn't burn.

I have biscuit rings, so we tried to keep the egg in....

Jalapeno poppers out of the oven.

Finished product, egg on top makes everything better.

Stuffed jalapenos!

2 green peppers (read my above epiphany)
1 lb ground beef
8oz cream cheese
1/2 block cheddar cheese (or less, its for topping)
2 eggs

1. Cut your peppers near the top- like a lid, and empty the contents.
2. Start coking up your ground beef and once cooked, add in 4 oz of cream cheese
     and any left pieces of pepper from your pepper top.
3. Preheat your oven to 350.
4.  Spread remaining cream cheese inside the peppers.
5. Once cream cheese has melted into your ground beef, pour the mixture into your
    peppers, which are now sitting on a tin foiled and sprayed cookie sheet.
6. Loosely tin foil the top of the peppers, and bake in oven for about 20-30 mins.
7. Start lightly frying eggs when close to taking out the peppers.
8. Remove, add egg on top, put on fancy presentation plate with a bed of lettuce
    and some other thing rich people eat.
8. Serve and watch your friends and ladies swoon at your feet.

Avocado Friessssszzzz

Easily considered the best thing to happen to me since I graduated college discovered keto cheesecake, you have to try this, seriously.
The best thing about this recipe is A. the breading can be used to make ANYTHING, like chicken tenders, mozzarella sticks, your diner better. B. The seasoning is reminiscent of Doritos cooler ranch....

Dat 'Cado.

2 Avocados
2 eggs
1/4 c almond meal
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp garlic salt
1 tsp dill
1/2 pepper
1/5c crushed pork rinds (you can buy them crushed as breading in asian grocery stores)
Canola oil, for frying dat shit
LOTS OF PAPERTOWELS

1. Slice up your avocadoes in thick cut french fry style (after you cut them in half and remove the pit.
    Best to do this while skin is stil on and peel the skin ff, they seem to stay semi firm while you cut)
2. Prep your dipping bowls- one with eggs, one with the flour and all spices, the next- a plate- with the
    rinds.
3. Cover your cast iron or large deep lipped frying pan with .5" of oil, put on burner at med/high.
4. Dip your sliced skinless avocado into the flour, then the egg, then the breading, for better breading
    hold.
5. Test your oil - best way to do this is to take a piece of something edible and small and put it in the oil,
    if it bubbles instantly, it's ready.
6. Place your breaded avocado on a spatula- and fill it up with them one layer tall, and slide em into the  
    oil to prevent splattering, keep doing this till the pan is filled.  These don't take long, so 30 seconds    
   on each side.
7. place on paper towel covered plate, salt, let cool, and eat!
Thank me later.

Keto Coconut Shrimp!

Okay, I fucking love coconut shrimp! It is the best thing you can eat during the summer hand down, or more like hands furiously shoveling coconut shrimp in your mouth while gasping for tiny breaths of air and drinking something tropical-y. While I still cant trust flavored vodkas (please correct me if I'm rong in that!) to help me with the drink, I can still make coconut shrimp.

See here, this stuff is what's for dinner.

Coconut Shrimp:

1 egg 

1/4c coconut flour

1/4c unsweetened coconut flakes (you can add stevia if you like)

22ct medium, uncooked, deveined shrimp (or stop being lazy, save money, and devein it yourself)

oil, you know, for frying - canola

1.  set up your egg, coconut flour, and flakes in separate bowls (trust me)

2. Get out your cast iron or a large deep lipped frying pan, and pour oil in it until it's covered 

    about .5" deep, turn on your stove to med/high. 

3. Dip the shrimp in the flour, the egg, then the flakes. The flour preps it and when mixes with the egg 

    becomes like a glue for the flakes. Try using one hand for the dry ingredients, and a fork for the wet.

4. Test the oil, best way to do this is to take something small (a piece of something you can fry) and see 

     if the oil bubbles around it, if it does, it's ready to fry!

5. Get that shrimp in there, fry the shit (gently) out of it, and then consume.

Week 5 Meal Plan:

Hey-o,

Sorry this is a little late, I went to a 6:30 am show of The Dark Knight (of course!) so I'm a little thrown off and swept away by the awesomeness of it all! I try to make it so that the hardest nights (I find) during the week, have the easiest to make meals. If you're in a bind on any night, here's a tip; make what I call a slop meal; ground beef, cream cheese, vegetables (zucchini and mushrooms work great), a dash of Worcestershire sauce, some onion powder, and some garlic salt, and viola! you've got a weird looking but amazing tasting dinner!

Mon: Lazy Keto Chicken
Tues: Chicken Broccoli Bacon Alfredo
Wed: Bacon Wrapped Bratwursts (is what it sounds like)
Thurs: Ridiculously Easy Salmon Fillets
Fri: Stuffed portobello mushrooms with roasted tomatoes and goat cheese
Sat: am: bacon, hand and cheese omelet
pm: Stuffed Chicken Breasts with Keto PB cookies (scroll down)
Sun: am: keto pancakes  (I love them sooo much, especially with peanut butter
or ham and cheese rolled in em!)
pm: Pizza in a cup



Grocery List:


Produce:
jalapenos
red peppers
2 pkgs white (button) mushrooms
1-2 tomatoes (1 for small crowd, 2 for larger)
1 shallot
lemon juice (or a lemon and squeeze that yourself)
large potabellos (1-2 for each one you're feeding)
chives
2onions

Meat:
3 pkgs chicken breasts (for 3 meals, sorry)
6 4oz salmon fillets
bratwursts
pepperoni (for cup o' pizza)
3 pkgs bacon

Baking/Spices/etc:
salt
pepper
garlic powder
chili powder
parsley
Natural peanut butter (or peter pan is low)
Splenda (or stevia, or aspartame)
pizza sauce (or pasta sauce)
grated parmesean
vanilla


Frozen:
2 pkgs spinach
2 steam in bags of cauliflower (save yourself a little time)

Dairy:
heavy cream
2 pkgs cream cheese
coconut milk
feta cheese
plain goat cheese (at least 4 oz)
provolone or mozzarella (for pizza in a cup)
butter
eggs
Cesar dressing
spreadable garlic herb cheese

New Find! Keto Bread!

So on this journey of keto, I've barely missed a thing! There are "cheats" for cookies, brownies, cheesecakes, muffins, everything you can think of (using the ever handy coconut flour or almond meal, you can make just about anything!) But, there has been no good substitute for bread- not that I really miss it, but sometimes you just wanna make some keto french toast without it just feeling soggy.
Well, I was googling around as I usually do when I ran into this mind blowing site - www.julianbakery.com. Apparently they specialize in things for diets such as keto and paleo making them my new hot spot to stare at when it's slow at work.
Everything looks amazing, and has fantastic reviews! Not only can you buy them online in bulk for a discount, but they have a locator to see who sells them nearby!

I think my breakfast plans have changed.

Their 0 carb bread, actually has 0 carbs!

This is their cinnamon raisin low carb which has 2gs a slice.

Week 4 Meal Plan:

        Another week gone by and the weather hasn’t gotten any cooler.

I originally planned on making a week of cold salads, but I haven’t had any time to test those recipes out.

With that said, I promise to post more often, and update you guys on some new recipes I have found!

For now, here’s this week’s lineup.

Mon:  Spinach MicrowaveLasagna

Tues:  Prosciutto wrapped parmesan,spinach and almond chicken

Wed:  Slow cooker faux smoked ribs with broccoli fritters (replace the flour with almond meal it works    

           out great)

Thurs:  “Healthified” Burrito

Fri:  Bulkogi (Korean bbq)

Sat:   am:  Bacon breakfast muffins

pm:   Bacon Mother@%$#ing Explosion with CoconutFlour Brownies  

Sun:  am: Eggs in a cloud

pm:  Camarones Brochette – stuffed and wrapped shrimp with some steamed cauliflower

Grocery List

Produce

• 2 heads of Broccoli
• 2 Heads of Cauliflower
• Bag of Salad (always good to have)
• Jalapenos
• Head of lettuce
• Peppers
• Avocado
• Garlic
• Green Onion

Meat

• 4 pkgs Bacon
• 14 oz steak
• 10 oz sausage
• 2 lbs top sirloin steak
• ½ lbs ground beef
• ½ lbs jennie-o turkey susage
• 1 lbs ground chicken/pork/beef
• Baby Back ribs
• Chicken Breasts
• 1.5lbs Cooked, peeled, and deveined shrimp

Baking / Spices

• Salt
• Pepper
• Garlic Powder
• Paprika
• Cayenne Pepper
• Parmesean Cheese
• Splenda
• Soy Sauce
• Sesame Oil
• Red Pepper Flakes
• Salsa
• Tomato Sauce (look for lowest carbs, Rao’s has only 2gs)
• Almond Flour
• Kosher Salt
• Oregano
• Splenda Brown Sugar Replacement
• Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
• Baking Powder
• Spice Rub of Your Choice
•  woodchips (usually found by charcoal)
• Unsweetened ketchup
• Broth
• Sliced almonds
• Coconut Flour (found cheaper on amazon)
• Xylitol (found in health food stores and amazon)
• Vanilla extract
• Walnuts (if you like em in your brownies)

Frozen

• 2 large bags of frozen spinach

Dairy

• 6 oz Heavy cream
• 2 cartons of Eggs
• 2 blocks of cheddar cheese (or you can buy 1.5 lb at the deli sliced)
• 8 oz Ricotta Cheese
• 8 oz Mozzarella Cheese
• Butter
• 6 oz Cream Cheese
• 2 oz egg whites or whey protein (probably vanilla or unflavored will do)

Deli

• Sliced Prosciutto (1 oz for every person being fed)

Week 3 Meal Plan:

  So, between the weather (it's been relatively hot here in NY) and my love for air conditioning, my body has been conflicted over what to eat. I assume most of you feel similarly. I stuck with usual hot dinners, but I think next week, I will work in some "salad nights"- where there will be some cold type of salad or meal, so those of you who have decks can enjoy the outdoors before it gets hotter.

Mon:  Leek Clafoutis

Tues: Lime and basil beef kabobs

Wed: Parmesanencrusted pork chops w/ cauliflower tater tots

Thurs: Crockpotpork carnitas

Fri: Chicken and squash alfredo

Sat:  am: bacon, egg, and cheese breakfastmuffins

  pm: ham and spinachcalzones w/salad

Sun:  am: savory pancakes

  pm: Keto fish pie

Produce:

•    bunch of leeks
•    2 cauliflower heads
•   1 onion (red or yellow)
•  2 bell peppers
•  garlic cloves
• 1 medium lime
• chives (usually found near bags of spinach by the refrigerated herbs and usually in small plastic packages)
•  squash
•  1 orange (for it's zest, or skip that part, 'cause you can't eat it)
• 1 carrot (kind of hard to do at a grocery store, try a farmers market, since we really cant eat lots of carrots)
• bag of salad
•  head of lettuce (to eat with carnitas)

Meat:

• Bacon
• 2 large white fish fillets (Pollock or Tillapia)
• 1 lb of beef (chuck, top sirloi, rib-eye, tri-tip, or tenderloin)
• Pork chops (one for each mouth you're feeding)
• 8lb (or less if you're 2) Boston pork butt
• Chicken breasts

Deli:

•  1/2lb sliced deli ham (1/2c sliced needed for 6 small calzones)

Baking/Spices:

•  dried chives
• parsley
• dill
• black pepper
•  salt
•  ground cumin
• basil leaves
• chili powder
•  thyme
•  stevia or splenda
•  flax meal
•  coconut flour (bought in places like whole foods, or online)
• baking powder
•  garlic powder
• coconut oil (found typically in your specialty foods aisle or "healthy" stores)
• canola oil (for frying)
•  fish stock (1/2 cube or equivalent)
•  white pepper
•  almond flour
• alfredo sauce (compare each one for carb content)
•  salasa (for carnitas)

Frozen:

•  2 Large bags of spinach (You will be using plenty of it, I'd say about 2 1lb bags)

Dairy:

•  2 pkgs eggs
•  mozzarella cheese (whole milk)
• 3 pkg sharp cheddar cheese or mild (some extra for snacking!)
•  heavy cream (America's equivalent to Double Cream)
•  ricotta (whole milk)
• 2 pkgs Cream Cheese
• Butter (they suggest kerrygold, mostly because it's so flavorful)
•  half and half (in replace of single cream)
• sour cream (for carnitas)

Keto Mozzarepas!

  So I came upon this recipe after making my own cajun catfish recipe and realized the almond meal breading I had made tasted ah-mazing! I usually make 'patties' using the leftovers of egg, milk and the dry ingredients when I suddenly thought about how I 've missed mozzarepas.
  For those who don't know what a mozzarepa is, it is usually two fried cornmeal patties with mozzarella in the middle. I discovered them at one of the millions of street fairs you can find in New York city throughout the warmer months and haven't stopped thinking about them since.

  While these aren't cornmeal, they are crispy, packed with flavor, delicious, and great on a keto diet!
After making them the first time, I noticed that I had struck gold and made them a second time so I could measure it all out (and eat some more!).

Keto Mozzarepas

(makes 1 whole mozzarepa  which pretty much feeds 2 and some extra 'patty')

Ingredients:
1 egg
1/4c almond milk
1/2c almond meal
1/2 tsp cayenne
1/2 tsp chile powder
1/2tsp cumin
1/2tsp dill
1tsp onion powder
1tsp garlic salt
a dash of pepper
2 slices or 1/4c mozzarella
2 tbs canola oil

1.  Beat egg and almond milk in a medium (cereal) bowl until well blended.
2. Add in all other dry ingredients into the egg and almond milk mixture with a fork.
3. Heat skillet (omelette pan is perfect) with canola oil until warm (hold hand a short distance from pan, and you should feel some heat)
4. Pour in an amount that makes a cereal bowl sized patty.
5. Edges should turn light about 1/2" in, then flip.
6. Place on a paper towel to remove some oil
7. Repeat steps 4-6 with nest patty.
8. Now that you should have 2 patties (or one and some crumbled pieces) slap your mozzarella in between them, and warm on the skillet again until mozzarella is perfectly melted.
9. Enjoy the sh*t out of it!

Happy 4th everyone!

Just wanted to say Happy Fourth of July, especially to all those who have or who currently serve in our military. Thanks you so much for your efforts and sacrifices.

Also on this food centered day, I wanted to share my recent cheesecake cupcake alteration: raspberries!
Raspberries are 3.5g for 1/2c fresh ones, so adding a few to your cheesecake cupcakes, makes them super flavorful without throwing you off! P.S- Add some whipped cream and you've got a stew goin'!....so to speak.

Meal Plan Week 2:

Hi again! It's that time of the week, time to plan for the upcoming week in meals!
I was thinking, that no one enjoys doing their grocery shopping late on Sunday, so from here on out, I will post early on Sunday, as in before 12pm. So now you can check at 12 every Sunday for the new list. Hopefully that helps everyone out in having a calmer weekend!
This week, I decided that the weather dictates we eat something that's a bit more flavorful, and Saturday now comes with dessert, because we deserve it!


Well here we go:

         Monday: Easy Pizza w/ a salad ( the crust is a Flat Out light spinach wrap,
                         topped with a spoonful of  tomato paste, mozzarella, and pepperoni)

         Tuesday: Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole

         Wednesday: Sweet Pork Stir Fry

         Thursday: Chorizo Stuffed Chicken Breasts w/ broccoli

         Friday: Low Carb Fish Cakes w/spinach

         Saturday: am: "farmers" omelet (which is an omelet filled with ham, bacon,
                           sausage, and cheese, plus  veggies you'd like!)
                           pm: Italian Style Meatballs dessert: Cheesecake Cupcakes 

         Sunday: am: you're gonna eat a cold cheesecake cupcake, trust me! 

                          pm: Shredded Chicken Taco Salad

And here's your Grocery List:

Produce:

•  lettuce (for salads and a recipe)
• small tomato
• bunch of fresh cilantro (it adds a lemon zest minus the lemon)
• small bunch of scallions (adds a light onion flavor that's also a bit zesty)
•  broccoli (for snacking, pizza topping, and general all around goodness)

Meat:

•  1 lb italian sausage (be careful of the sweet kind, they usually add sugar)
• 1 lb ground beef
•  2 pkg (55-60 oz total) boneless skinless chicken breasts
• 1.5 to 2lbs white fish
• 1 lb chorizo sausage, uncured
•  6 bone in, skin on chicken breasts
•   lean pork tenderloin
• 1 delightful ham steak
•  bacon
• 1 pkg mild sausage

Deli:

•  sliced mozzarella (delicious, and a time savor, 1/2lb for recipes, more for snacking)
• sliced pepperoni (for pizzas, I'd say 1/2lb as well)
•  sliced smoked ham

Baking/ Spices:

• 1 pkt taco seasoning
• grated parmesan cheese (you'll end up needed about 2 and 1/2 c worth)
•  dried basil
• garlic powder
• almond meal/flour
• splenda or stevia
• vanilla
•  old bay seasoning
•  flax meal
• slivered almonds
•  coconut flour (found online or in some specialty stores, ie; whole foods, maybe trader joes)
• salt
• ground cumin
•  ground cinnamon
• small can of tomato paste (look for lowest carbs, and no sugar in the ingredients)
• 1 jar tomato sauce (as per recipe, but I would try to cut back and use only 1/2 of it for the meatballs)
• Dijon Mustard (it does make a difference)
• olive oil
• Flat Out light spinach wraps (found by tortillas and bread)

Frozen:

•  3 to 4 pkgs of 16oz (or more) frozen cauliflower (you'll need 3c puree total, so it'll take quite a bit)
•  2 pkg 16oz frozen spinach
• 1 pkg frozen broccoli

Dairy:

•  16oz sour cream (again, never lite or fat free)
• guacamole (trader joe's is great for this, they have one with 0 net)
• butter (you'll need at least 1 stick just for recipes)
• 1- 8oz block of cheddar cheese (for shredding 1c  in a recipe, and the rest for saturday's omelet)
• 8oz heavy whipping cream
•  coconut cream
•  single cream (though I'm pretty sure you can replace this with heavy cream)
•  3- 8oz pkgs of cream cheese
• 1 cartopn of eggs (at least 6 large eggs)
• 11 oz jarlsberg swiss cheese (or in general a sharp swiss for the cordon blue)